Living with Alzheimer's

Photo (c) 2009, David McClearen

My mother lives with Alzheimer's. 
I live with Alzheimer's too, because mom 
lives with me. 

Her memories are all mixed up, her perceptions fused with her paranoia, short-term memory loss means conversations are difficult because thoughts are repeated endlessly, and sometimes, hallucinations are accepted as real-life events with little room for discussion as to the validity of them. Some days a dark cloud descends and life is bleak.

It does no good to remember the relationship we had in the past. It has changed. Mom knows her relationships have changed and she can't find a reason for it. It does no good telling her the change is in her mind. Even if she could accept it, which she can't, she would forget the conversation soon after, and would wonder to herself again, what happened.

It also does no good trying to get her to remember, as if by saying, "Mom, remember this or that," she will somehow suddenly put everything together in one Ah Ha! moment. It only frustrates her and makes her feel like I think she is crazy, which I don't. Sometimes, with a little guidance, she can come to an understanding that is consistent with reality, but her reality changes with her perceptions, her perceptions are her reality, so even though there might be a meeting of the minds, it soon passes, and we are back to square one.

Other days, laughter fills our conversations, and I find mom delightful. Today was one of those days.
It's best to take each moment, each hour, each day as they come. That is easier said then done, but I'm learning. I never know, when she ascends the stairs, if I'll meet the lady or the tiger, but whoever she is at that moment, she is still my mom, and I love her. I am grateful, will be eternally grateful, for this time we have together, living with Alzheimer's. She is not the disease, she lives with it. And so do I.