There are times when words jump off a page and either speak to or reflect unspoken, even unconscious, thoughts. There are times when people, either in person or through books, enter into my life at just the right bend in the road, and my whole being resonates with most, if not all of their words, journey, soul. They are teachers, sent to me, I believe, by God at the moment when I need to hear what they have to say.
Maybe it is in order to elicit change. Maybe it is to encourage me in a path I have taken. Maybe it is to offer me hope. I'm finding all of the above as I read Quantum Wellness: A Practical and Spiritual Guide to Health and Happiness, by Kathy Freston.http://www.amazon.com/Quantum-Wellness-Practical-Health-Happiness/dp/1602860777/ref=pd_sim_b_8
I saw Kathy on Oprah recently, talking about the Quantum Wellness 21 day cleanse. I've been seeking to cleanse my body of various irritants for over a year now (toxins, gluten, soy, eggs, dairy, diet drinks etc), as I search for those foods and habits that have produced inflammation in my body creating a "hot" bed (excuse the pun) for un-wellness, or dis-ease.
It's not that the information is totally new to me. My habit has been when I'm interested in a subject, I immerse myself in reading matter until I'm saturated, so I'm not finding a lot of material that is unfamiliar to me. It's that Kathy melds physical and spiritual in a way that inspires me to continue in my quest for wholeness along several different fronts (which is what I've been doing, hence the resonating and hope).
For example, the current chapter, "Be the Change: Stepping up to the Life That is Calling You," begins with quotes by Gandhi, St Thomas Aquinas (see above), and Lao Tsu on being that change you'd like to see in the world. The Aquinas quote is the one that jumped off the page, affirming my present decision to stop teaching and be "at home" with mom (Alzheimer's), as I continue to explore the writer's life. Let me explain.
One of reasons (not THE reason) I moved back to Nebraska from Tennessee was to broaden my horizons and explore writing by going to school once the children reached that age, you know, don't need mom hovering. I love to learn. I love to read. Writing, sharing what I learn, is a natural fit. For reasons I won't elaborate on though, I felt I had to DO something with those diplomas I earned, i.e. earn a living with them, although, I have to laugh at the thought. Neither adjunct teaching nor chaplaincy offers a descent living wage. No one teaches for the money, nor do chaplains serve to get rich.
In exploring what to do, based on past experiences, I tried chaplaincy for a year. Half-way through my residency, I knew it was not a good fit and I wouldn't be working as a chaplain. Not that it wasted my time, I learned SO MUCH about myself in the course of the year. I taught for four years at the University level (as a GTA and as an adjunct), and I found that mostly, I felt out of my skin. Teaching at a University was not a good fit, not a bad one, just not it. Again, the time was not wasted. When we learn about ourselves, learn that something doesn't fit and are willing to change directions, it's all good. Both jobs increased my stress and pain levels, creating an out-of-my-element feeling at a time when pushing myself beyond my limits was not good for my body or my soul. There is a time for pushing, but I needed healing. That's what I learned. I still need healing, emotionally, physically, spiritually. Writing feeds my soul and aids the process.
Once I decided to stay home and seek to write, a weight lifted. I eased into being here for mom, despite the challenges. It all felt like a natural fit for me, even though it is far from easy and I still suffer from various habits that hinder me from writing as much as I would like.
Getting back to the chapter in Kathy's book, what is my cause? I desire a world where we can live together despite our differences. I desire a world that is loving, compassionate, forgiving, kind, gentle, merciful, not judgmental. I don't enjoy political and religious wrangling; a good argument leaves me exhausted, not stimulated so I don't want to engage in changing the world through arguments. I do believe in absolutes, but I am not the judge, so I would rather pray for mercy than condemn, seek to love rather than discriminate.
Being centered, at home, allows me the opportunity to seek for ways to share my thoughts and what I learn through writing, and I am grateful. Writing, sharing, caring for Mom, is giving me, on a personal, manageable, micro level, the opportunity to practice being the change I would like to see on a macro level in the world around me.
I'm not there yet. I'm not whole, I wish I were, but I'm getting there, one change at a time.
